今天晚上跟竹北分部的同事一起吃薑母鴨聚餐
超開心^_^
(去的途中在加油站碰到了一個可愛的"小"男生...以後我會常常去那裡加油的:p)
回到家以後因為實在太撐了所以就開始看起朋友們的相簿還有blog幫助消化-_-
看著某個朋友幸福洋溢的相簿
心裡突然覺得"我好像沒有愛過..."
因為我總是"自以為是"地在愛著.沒有發現其實都是我自己單方面的很熱衷很努力
(只有單向的不是愛...我這麼以為...)
看到可愛的書就買來送給對方.用自己很遜的美術天份做卡片寄去.對方生日的時候想盡辦法讓他一整個星期都很開心.無論去了哪裡都會希望對方可以一起.買對方的東西比買自己的還要用心...這些我都經歷過...
現在想想.那些熬夜做出來的東西也許早在八百年前就成了回收桶的一員吧?!
果然是One Man's Meat is Another Man's Poison!!!
也許戀愛的時候最好都不要送一些可以留下來的東西.照片也越少越好..(雖然收到費盡心思下的產物一定是個超high啊~看到照片一定覺得自己是全天下最幸福的人~)
這樣.分開的時候更是輕鬆容易.眼不見為淨.也省得為東西究竟是該丟還是該還而困擾著
不過又覺得如果只是送花啊或是吃大餐太過空虛.因為什麼也沒留下...
總之是個大矛盾-_-||
反正這一切已經搞得我既不能相信別人也對別人沒有期待了
現在的我完全不想愛.不過如果以後"不幸"又愛了.我也不可能再像以前那樣毫無保留的付出
It's like a tragedy!!!
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就在我從小帥哥家下課要到Blockbuster的路上.被怪人遇上兩次(都是在等紅綠燈的時候)
怪人是個上了年紀的中年"胖"男子(真的很胖!看起來就像壞人...)
因為我要兩段式左轉所以在我停下來後他不知道從哪裡竄了出來"咻"的一下停在我旁邊(真的"很"旁邊喔!)
就像是熟人一樣地一邊上下打量我一邊抖著他的腳-_-
我被他這麼一盯就完全亂了只希望趕快綠燈
好在那時他自顧自地闖紅燈過了馬路.我才鬆了"好大"的一口氣
後來我又繼續騎呀騎的...
因為我的short-term memory不好(long-term memory倒是好的很-_-)所以到下個紅綠燈的時候就完全忘了剛剛被怪人盯上的鳥事
就在這個時候他又不知道從哪裡"飄"到我的旁邊來了(泣~totally趁人之危)
而且這一次他不僅打量我.還從口中說出一串"絕對"不是中文的話(該不會是下咒吧?!)
我真的是超剉屎的!很怕他突然伸手碰我啊@_@
那時候也沒別的地方可以逃.但他倒是飆得很快.又闖了紅燈.如入無人之境地過馬路去了!!!
回到家後我也沒拿出來講(因為真的忘得一乾二淨!!!)
現在倒是想起了以前國中騎腳踏車從補習班回家的路上被飆車的青少年打頭的恐怖攻擊
這世界上的怪人還真不少咧...
(話又說回來我今天還看到一個戴著安全帽開堆高機的先生還有一對兄弟邊騎腳踏車邊吵架...真是什麼跟什麼啊!!!)
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If I stop, even for a SHORT while, I'll definitely be trapped in all these bad feelings.
So, I guess I can only keep doing things...editing handouts, preparing for classes, studying English, or stuff like that!
All these have to be NONSTOP!!!
That's the reason why I hate the time of driving the most cuz that's the only time my head is totally EMPTY & it will lead to a DEAD END later on.
Most of the time, I sing on the way, but it can't distract my attention.
I just concentrate TOO MUCH on those bad things...
JUST DO IT, NEVER THINK!
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It's getting OUT OF CONTROL!!!
I hate it, but I don't know what to do.
Pretty weird, huh?
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Usually, I get EXCITED when the postman comes EVERY DAY.
Actually, I'm not waiting for any letters; even getting the catalogs from SOGO or FE21' or the bill from the bank would make me happy.
Maybe that's the ONLY proof I'm still REMEMBERED!!!
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I can't answer your phone from now on.
Though I don't even know what you are going to say, I still decide to do it this way.
Maybe you will feel strange, but I don't have other choices.
All of you are SUPREME friends for me, but being with you guys will remind me of those MISERIES.
After 3, 5 or 10 years, maybe? I will be able to MINGLE with you like BEFORE, but not NOW.
I DO hope that you can be UNDERSTANDING, too.
So...can you wait for me?
Will you STILL be there when the day comes?
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I think I'll continue writing & posting photos here because it's my OWN space.
I can't control what others may say or feel after coming here; however, I won't LOCK them UP, either, cuz I don't want to be as FISHY as SOMEONE.
All I want to do is share my true feelings & my life with all the people.
(But, honestly, I don't really want to share this with SOME people because they don't really DESERVE to know anything about ME!!!)
Anywayz...it's good to have my blog REOPENED.
Thanks for all the support from my loyal readers & I'll keep writing things down until the day I can't write anymore!
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每一天醒來
我都告訴自己"真好!我又多撐過了一天!"
每一次忍不住激動的心情reconnect之後
之前所有的努力又歸零
一切得重新開始
我知道這樣不好
真的不好
也許在一些人眼中
我已經成了不折不扣的瘋子
喪失心志到了一個極點
一度我覺得你們的要求我都做不到
這一切的一切都讓我好累
我只能說我也想努力慢慢let go
但請給我時間
Please don't be too harsh on me!
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Jill & Yvonne called me from France tonight.
It was very nice to hear their voice & feel the happy ATMOSPHERE.
I DO wish that I had been there with them.
(Dear Jill, thanks for letting me know you are a LOYAL reader of my blog & I'm starting to look forward to your NOT-SO-SINCERE postcard!)
(BTW, I am OBSESSED about blog, too^_^)
Here, I have to say that they are 2 of my best, BeSt, BEST friends.
(Of course there are still others who are important to me, too, though not too many...)
It's AFFINITY that brought us together.
I met Jill first when I entered NCTU; later, they met because of a club.
I remember once I felt sad because it seemed that they were closer to each other, but I was not INCLUDED.(OK, now I know I'd been CHILDISH!!!)
Anywayz...we experienced lots of things together.
Sadly, after Jill's going to the states for her master studies, we lost contact for about 1 and half years.(You stupid!!!)
Luckily, we RECONNECTED last year; she hasn't changed A BIT, though we 3 are still apart.(America→Asia→Europe)
I really miss those OLD happy days when we could go to a place on an IMPULSE, take funny pictures or talk about NONSENSE but still felt EXTREMELY happy, just because WE WERE TOGETHER!!!
I've always been GRATEFUL for the SUPPORT you 2 gave me when I SUFFERED.
I know I might not be EXACTLY the same Clancy as before, but MOST of me hasn't changed.
I hope that both of you can find what you REALLY want in the near future & lead a happy life afterwards.
DON'T FORGET TO MEET IN FRANCE IN 2017!!!
Most important of all, we got to be friends FOREVER!!!
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大學的時候到David's打工
認識了Amanda跟Robin還有很多很多人
第一次見到Amanda的時候覺得她蠻嚴肅的又有點兇
真的一起上班之後卻每天都很開心
跟Robin第一次見面被嗆
因為他覺得他的英文一定不比我差
後來Robin變得超寵我的
雖然常說我跟Amanda都是任性的老么
但還是天天跟我玩成語接龍玩得很high
我們去KTV的時候
Robin說我跟Amanda一個是太陽歌后一個是月亮歌后
Amanda唱周蕙"風鈴"的樣子還有歌聲
一直到現在我都記得很清楚
感覺起來很是滄桑
背後一定有著很多故事
Robin說再難過的歌被我一唱就會變得一點都不難過反而還很有活力
因為我經歷得還不夠...
那時候的我真的不懂
唱歌不就是那樣嗎?!需要什麼經歷啊?!
但是今天我懂了
第一次我邊唱著一首歌邊流下停不住的眼淚
我總算了解到那些充滿感情的歌聲裡是多沉重的傷
如果現在Robin聽到了我的歌聲是不是可以感受到我的轉變還有我的傷呢?!
或許就像歌詞所寫的吧?!
愛一年往往要傷個三五年...愛一遍教人老了好幾十歲...
沒嚐試過的人不停地想要修這門學分...我呢?寧願從來沒有選修過...
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她看起來很好 我祝你們白首偕老
可是我一直不明瞭 你怎麼能那麼快
就把屬於我倆的往事 全部忘掉
你似乎很快樂 我祝你們永浴愛河
雖然我心扉痛澈 把你的信還留著
我想問你到底如何對愛情作取捨
記得你的甜言蜜語也好 忘了你的甜言蜜語也好
你用溫柔做成的圈套 曾讓我痛哭流淚 卻不想離開也不想逃
記得你的甜言蜜語也好 忘了你的甜言蜜語也好
希望你謊言越說越少 給女人真心的擁抱 別讓她像我傷心沒有人知道
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EVERY TIME while I'm making juice, I always think of THE guy.
Until now, I still remember the day very clearly...so clearly that it HURTS!
That day, I made apple-grape milk with Mom.
I carefully peeled the grape & cut the apple, hurried downstairs & handed the disposalbe cup filled with FRESH juice to him, watching him drink it up EUPHORICALLY.
So many years passed by, we FINALLY got together, then SUDDENLY we were apart, there's nothing remained...
This guy took EVERYTHING from me, but only left me COUNTLESS lies, NEVER will he come back again.
Every day I wake up, all these are just like a DREAM to me; sometimes I even wonder if it's true.
Once a male friend told me that the girl he broke up with was really nice & UNDERSTANDING because she just accepted the truth & walked away QUIETLY.
But, does he really know how much that hurts? I don't think so.
However, the girl left a good impression behind her, at least.
Me? Nothing but ANNOYANCE or HARRASSMENT...
Somehow I am like a DISASTER; keeping in touch with me or answering my phone becomes a DREADFUL thing to do & we can't even be friends.
I'm NODOBY to him, so there's no need to care about how I feel or how MISERABLE I've been for the past few months.
I'm just a PASSERBY, am I not?
Very sad, but YES!
Things happened before can't be changed & mistakes can't be corrected, I know.
But, I still wish that we had never been in love, for I'd rather be lonely than be hurt.
(Were we REALLY in love before? I'm dying to know.)
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